Chocolate Golem

Nobody forgets meeting a chocolate golem. Tales mention them shaped as huge rabbits, chicks, reindeer, dragons, scarecrows, people, humanoids, vampires and all manner of fanciful beasts, made from milk, bittersweet, white or flavored chocolate and often decorated with frosting, edible paint or little candies.

There are two kinds. A hollow golem needs at least 500 pounds of top-grade chocolate, either cast in a purpose-built mold or carved and then hollowed out. A solid golem is carved from a single block of fine chocolate weighing 1,000 pounds or more.

The deluxe version (6 HD) does the usual golem work of standing watch. Royalty sometimes hire them to protect grand parties, since they look like nothing more than edible centerpieces and seem far less threatening than armed guards until commanded to attack. A deluxe golem strikes with both fists for 1d4 each.

Roughly a quarter of deluxe golems are stuffed with whipped cream, fruit liqueur, marshmallow or peanut butter, which they can squirt at one victim, a gallon at a time, once every three rounds until the supply (usually 1d6+6 gallons) runs dry. The spray attacks with THAC0 10, allows no saving throw, and blinds the target for 1d4 rounds. It causes no damage, except that chunky peanut butter deals 1 point.

Spells affect chocolate golems unevenly. Electricity works normally, while sleep, hold and paralysis effects do nothing. A cold spell hardens the golem, improving its Armor Class by 2 to AC 8 for 1d4 rounds; further cold spells add nothing more. Fire and heat spells deal full damage but also blast hot liquid chocolate across a 15-foot radius, and every creature in that splash takes 1 damage per die of the spell, so a six-die fireball on the golem deals 6 damage to everyone within 15 feet.

The lesser party golem (1 HD) is a pricey commission for royal children's celebrations. It can only walk, stand and sit, and it never attacks. Every party golem is hollow, its insides crammed with small trinkets and sweets. The children take turns beating it with a pole or stick until it cracks open and showers prizes and chunks of chocolate for everyone to grab.

Like other golems it is an artificial creation with no natural role, made only through magic. A priest of 11th level or higher can make one with long rituals, a prepared chocolate figure, and the spells commune, animate object, prayer and purify food and drink. A wizard of 14th level or higher shapes the figure, performs extensive rites, and then casts limited wish, geas and fabricate.

The enchantment keeps the golem stable up to 125 degrees F. Any hotter and it loses 1 hit point per turn, and once melting of any kind, magical or ordinary, has cost it half its hit points, it acts as if under a slow spell.

Minimum prices run 700 gp hollow, 1,000 gp solid and 1,200 gp filled, with the wizard's fee adding another 2,000 to 3,000 gp.